2.2 KiB
bloated fasted and ate media too fast oops
okay eat some ginger?
VENT
I'm not sure even where to begin this. I suppose Kylie. Look, here is a woman who I am attracted to, who seems to see things reasonably, who seems level-headed. Why not her? Well, principlally because of logistics. I am drawn right back into an idea that I had when I left: to stay here, take up the trades, build out life with her. And yet. Is it just another shiny object that I should not be tempted by?
I was thinking last night about the soil. It seems that most places the soil is clayey or sandy. It's not full of humus, no OM, no loam. The particles are too coarse - or they are too dense. The roots are either immediately ripped out, or never set in at all. I desire to be deeply rooted. Christ desires this, I believe. The soil at home is... depleted though. The organic processes supplanted by chemical, machinistic ones.
It seems I am not going anywhere. And in some respects it is true - I could have gotten cows, I could have done much more than I have.
I still can though, that's what matters. Well, some doors are shut. But thank God they are shut, because that way lies ruin.
What's really on the heart? What's really truly on the heart? What so very truly is your longing for? The thing you were made for? Or at leas,t the thing God desires you to respond to? The inorganic nature of things. The sort of way in which we want to overthrow God's machinery rather than work with it.
The desire to preach Christ as a priest would is.... intermittent.
I feel my machinelike tendencies washing away, and I want them to wash away even further. I want to be alive again, as I was once at my Baptism, perhaps.
Extend the machinery (plants, animals), don't quash them.
I seek the nature of things, what they are good for, what they do.
I do learn best by doing, of course - and an experimental sort of doing.
I can work hard. I can see good use of things. I can root-cause analyze. I can design. The future is bright even if unclear.
OBLIGATIONS
- Set up time with Marc, Kylie, Mike, Nate
- Visit MS
- Buy gulf wax
- Buy maple syrup
- Slaughter ducks
THINGS YOU CAN DO ON THE FARM
- Ducks
- Cows
- Pigs
WAYS YOU NEED TO ADJUST
- Keep going. Look back, but don't stare. How do you want to proceed?