52 lines
2.4 KiB
Markdown
52 lines
2.4 KiB
Markdown
text. text never changes.
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ascii.
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well. it did become unicode.
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text changes.
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I'm staring at this precipice. I think. Or I'm acting like it. But I need the options laid out in front of me.
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Well. There are really just a few forks.
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1. Stock Cropper or no?
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2. Full-in on livestock?
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3. Religious life?
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#3 is all devouring. And that's fine & good.
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#1 could become all devouring. Will it really? I'm not sure it will. But it may.
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Perhaps it's best to lay out my anxieties. A lot of them are in the realm of "will I have time to attend to everything"
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1. Will I have time to juggle the farm, the new house build, and any engineering development that may come?
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2. Will I be earning reasonable pay?
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3. Will I find a good woman? Does she exist?
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4. Do I even want communion? Do I want a woman? Do I want brotherhood? I suspect I still do. But it's hard to find that. I am really looking for nuance, not idealogically captured.
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5. Am I becoming ideologically captured? Am I becoming dull?
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6. Will continuing to pursue engineering force me to forsake agriculture?
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7. And if I forsake (the deep study of) agriculture, will I be learning what I ought to?
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8. Is the building up of engineering artifacts a waste if I cannot make the appropriate cultural shifts around me to sustain it?
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9. ***What can I do that will have the greatest positive cultural impact?***
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10. I haven't left myself enough time to adequately discern religious life before I shove myself into this startup-shaped funnel.
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11.
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Some observations
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1. Engineering, however small, fixates me - I cannot wretch myself from it to ponder questions of agronomy, so it seems. I cannot do both well. The agronomy suffers. I find this shameful. I don't like this. Maybe it isn't immutable but it certainly seems like an overwhelming temptation.
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2. I appreciate being near family. It is very grounding. I haven't spiraled very badly with them around. And it's not just a daily thing, I think even touch-and-go helps. In absence of a wife or religious community it is a big help.
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3. I'm being avoidant of something.
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# 21AUG2025
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Sitting in adoration
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Reading ecclesiastes
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"There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil"
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How shall I find enjoyment in my toil?
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I find enjoyment in building and designing stuff
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Truly I do
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And in tending livestock
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*but not in driving trucks and stuff, not really*
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When I consider the present moment
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all I can consider is doing this stuff
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engineering, that is
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