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journal/Archive/22-DEC-2023.md
Thaddeus Hughes 608c43a71f init
2025-10-09 20:43:40 -05:00

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22-DEC-2023
# Brain dump
- Haven't talked to Jordan in a while
- When is he getting ordained?
- Need to mail the stuff for samaritan
- Need to frame the township map
- Should've got mom some chocolate for christmas (still can I guess)
- Unsure what if anything to get grandpa - SCASC? By Hand and Eye?
- How to I approach the family about confession?
- What is next? I am unbooked. I am angsty.
- Need to 'get right'
- What about Jess? Do I abandon? What more must I know - or do?
I am sad. Sadness of God vs. Sadness of Death
- Sorrow for having offended God - this is a friend, foundation of Joy - leads to conversion
- Sadness of the world
- Sadness over another person's good is Envy
- Sloth (Acedia): Not caring; sullenness, discouragement, scrupulosity
- The Eigth Deadly Sin: Sadness
And am sad for the state of things in this world. Is this worldy sadness or is this sorrow?
I feel as though I have wasted time
And in ways i have
I feel strange and out of place here
But this is home
But i am not acting as such
I am continuing the same sins
run from the sins not the world
Why sit behind a computer and complain, etc. when there's a whole world out there that you could be playing with?
Don't assume your family is so mean. Assume they are good. Or at least act like it.
# A Poem
Man, falling
Regretful, despairing
Shunned the Father's love
Barred from Above
To the pit he sinks down
Pursuing a false crown
Ebonized Oak! Gold-Painted Foamcore!
Fallacious Fraternity! Pleasure Galore!
A semblance of what he once knew
And yet the meat is hard to chew
So he gets on the grind
He takes to the mine
Groveling, exhausting folly
To both the ground and his body
Synthetic Sausage! Mineral Wax!
Corrugated Chipboard! Castrated Flax!
Til the oil erupts
Filling his cup
But do the mines run forever?
Do they sustain his endeavors?
His days less than grass
Verily, they don't last
Extractive Economy! Bottled Labor!
Antisexual Life! Unearned Favor!
To heaven, does he turn?
Will he at long last learn?
Nay! To the mines! For a cure can be found!
He settles himself there - earthily bound.
From earth's womb he is born
And stands forlorn
Self-Made Man! Worriless Pimp!
Liberated Harlot! King with a Limp!
His works were mighty - lofty - grand
Of a different basis than that heavenly land
Whose power was solar, carbonic at that
The vision of man was surprisingly flat
Form follows function in modules black
Armor plating to withstand all attack
Linear Intelligence! Photovoltaic Ecology!
Pasteurized Ponds! Mechanized Polity!
They lived lives extravagant
Their work was to gallavant
Until their time was up
They soaked up and up
At first with mouth and spoons
And on their deathbeds, arms full of tubes.
Corn-Fed Cowboys! Ungenerative Fetishists!
Do-Nothing Conquerors! Intubated Tyrants!
And when some grew weary of parallel line
(While the rest thought them perfectly fine)
He grasped at thin air - at the chaos-filled breeze
And fired up his grinder to make sculptures with ease
His forms were barbaric, or perhaps even worse
Suggesting his freedom were truly a curse
Smooth-Flowing Entropy! Art Deco Cars!
Jagged Streams! Zero-Pointed Stars!
When he dig just a little
Through the topsoil, grown brittle
A familiar impression
Cause for depression
Forgotten, battered
And yet, not shattered
Terrible beauty! Divine heuristics!
Holistic function! Benevolent mystics!
That heavenly radiance undergird all:
The mines - the cities - and even the fall
A foundation rejected but never removed
Only painted over, her rough spots smoothed
And what did man do then, what did he erase?
What do we build - us natives of this place?
# Reforms