journal/Archive/Journal/Central Condemning Thoughts (CCTs).md

Common core lies

1. I am corrupt, evil, or defective.
2. I am unworthy of being loved.
3. I am worthless.
4. I am unknown and personally insignificant.
5. I am useless, helpless, and incapable.
6. I am without support and guidance.
7. I am deprived and hurting.
8. I am a victim and controlled by others.
9. I am voiceless and anxious.

Which of these do you commonly see?

1. Eh not so much anymore. At one time w.r.t. impurity but not really anymore
2. Not really
3. Somewhat - self worth tied in career/standing etc
4. Not really
5. For things outside of my domain of expertise yeah. When I run into people in the world this vanishes unless they're actually competent
6. Yes, bigly
7. Wouldn't frame it this way
8. Wouldn't frame it this way, but I do have hamstringing from my parents, or I envision as such
9. Yeah anxious

1. How would you phrase yours?

1. I am unable to be good at things far abreast of my domain of expertise
2. If I am unable to figure the thing out at first, I never will
3. I better do something properly, with everything mapped out, otherwise I shouldn't do it
4. People around me won't give advice and guidance without berating me
5. People around me are incapable of giving good advice and guidance
6. You must try and do the thing first before you ask for help
7. You can't hire anyone to do the job, you have to DIY everything
8. I have to be different and unique; I have to have an edge.
9. I am omnicompetent out of the womb. (Yet reality shows otherwise)
10. People don't want to help me.

Boil it down:

1. I should be perfectly competent at everything.
   1. People will react badly if I ask for help
   2. I shouldn't outsource work
   3. I have to be perfect on the first shot
   4. What I did on the first shot is perfect, even if evidence is contrary to this

2. When are you most vulnerable to believe it?

1. When I am not getting anywhere in life
2. When I am not immediately succeeding
3. When I am talking to someone who was "further along" in life than I am at their age

3. What foolish strategies have you come up with to cope? Do they work? Are you sick of them? Can you renounce it?

1. Refactor problems into my own 'world'; force the problem to fit my skills
2. Vascillate between different strategies
3. Reinvent the wheel
4. Do the thing with no foresight whatsoever, rather than just using the foresight I have to make the best call
5. Wait on asking for help until I've tried and failed already
6. Just don't ask for help. Work like a dog instead.
7. Don't learn/study/read just do the thing
8. Don't network

"Don’t turn self-examination into self-punishment.

Moral OCD or spiritual perfectionism says:

“I must root out every impure motive or I’m failing.”

Sincerity says:

“Lord, show me what’s true, and help me choose You again.”

Perfectionism looks inward until you drown.

Surrender looks upward—and walks on water."