61 lines
1.8 KiB
Markdown
61 lines
1.8 KiB
Markdown
Need to journal
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Stressed
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Feeling the squeeze on stock cropper stuff
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Mostly self imposed
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Need to at least get this sprint of stuff kicked off
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Then things get better for a while
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Not done
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Just a cooling
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Maybe I should do some THF design to take my mind off it
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Reading the doc gives anxiety
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It's a commitment
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Kinda
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I mean I can walk away
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That non-compete has a slight language issue though
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I am slow to make long term commitments
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I am fast to make short term commitments
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Am I happy doing this?
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The pace is too much right now
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I want help. I could use help, if it was the right help.
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Or overall this is just not the right time
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Maybe
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What would I do otherwise?
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I need to pray and meditate more
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I'm not quite pleased with my social life but it is getting somewhere tbh
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It won't last though
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What do I want
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Let's not worry about whether I should or not let's just be blunt. Lord perfect my desires but here they are I think
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I want to exercise agency
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I want to be of service to my neighbor
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I want to solve interesting problems
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I want to design things that suck less
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I don't want to drive equipment days on end
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I don't want to burn out
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I don't want to work 10 hour days doing design
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I am fine working 6 hours days of design + 4 hours manual labor
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I don't mind looking after animals
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I don't want to manage plants
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I want to mentor students/interns again, in my work, not as an auxiliary activity
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I want to design good things
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I want to be around nature
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I want to live with more natural processes
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I want quality leisure. What is that? Resting with the sheep. Discussing good ideas. Singing songs.
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I want to dwell closer to a few good friends.
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I am fearful that this agreement will hamper things
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It may force me to leave home - which isn't the end but it doesn't feel ideal. I wanted to be closer to family. Roots. We'll see how this goes.
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I dread the loss of complete personal agency.
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