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journal/Archive/2023-07-20.md
Thaddeus Hughes 608c43a71f init
2025-10-09 20:43:40 -05:00

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# Prayers
- [x] Mass
- [ ] Evening Rosary (w. mysteries)
# Studies
- [ ] 1 hr Catechism
- [x] 1 hr Civil Eng
- [x] 1 hr Agricultural Study
- [x] 2hr Woodwork
# Did you eat well?
- 1200 cal
# Tasks
- [ ] Set up tomorrow's schedule
- [ ] Enjoy the day
# Thoughts
A storm of doubts assails my mind
Am I really supposed to go _there_?
Is this not just the land of Sodom?
Am I too allured by profit? Wealth?
Family roots be one thing
But the word of the lord another
Am I actually doing his will?
And yet
Are not the people there my brothers and sisters?
Whom I am to serve?
With my witness?
One which I feel suffocated
Uneasy
Untethered
Ungrounded
To do here
And might just as well
Be ungrounded elsewhere too
Because on my heart is a love
A love that is not rational
But transcendental
And yes, I suppose
I can up and leave there too
But I do need to regroup
Re-understand myself
And my family too
Maybe it's doable
Maybe not
Only one way to know
This is the biggest risk
The best case scenario
A dying diocese lit on fire for the Lord
The worst case scenario
Bickering and spiritual death