What the hell does "peace" mean anyways?

"Most of my friends would not hesistate to describe me as an indecisive person. I've been known to spend weeks, months, or longer! agonizing over a looming decision, flip-flopping between alternative plans of action, and filling up journal pages with lists of pros and cons or whiney complaints about the decision that lies before me. And usually even after some sort of decision is reached, my thoughts and prayer become flooded with a tangled knot of doubts and regrets."

"My miraculous voice in Adoration plan had fallen through more times than I'd care to admit."

"My indecisiveness also stemmed from a place of deep mistrust of myself and my own decision-making faculties. Time and time again I was so afraid of making the prong decision that I found myself paralyzed in fear, stuck in a state of limbo or of inaction among the options that I was considering. Instead of thinking of my free will as a gif, I viewed it as a burden or an obstacle in my relationship with God."

"I realized that what I really wanted was for God to make all of my decisions for me and that in doing so I had put Him in a box. I wanted definitive answers, to know where I was going, and I wanted to hear God say it. I wanted to experience and hear God in my terms and in my way. I was not being open to how He wanted to speak to me or  reveal himself to me."

1 Kings 19- and God was not in the hurricane, or fire, or loud noises - but in a quiet murmur, a light silent sound.

trust
trust
trust

Promises true peace

My LORD, thank you for placing these two paths in front of me - paths I have yearned to walk down, even if I did not know it. Thank you for the changing of my heart to the point where I can recognize the goodness in them, for they are paths of rootedness and true community.

My LORD, I apologize for putting you to the test. For screaming at you. For trying you. For taxing you. For wasting hours in worry and confusion.

Peace - Shalom. To be complete or whole. General prosperity, success, well-being, harmony. And it begins in trust. That thing again.

Trust, as one trusts in a rock climbing belay. It enables freedom to try things; you will be caught when a fall is made; dynos are possible.

> Where is the shalom?
> Go home and love your family, says Mother Theresa...
> Who is my family?
> Probably the ones who spent 18 years living with you, raising you, etc... not the ones who spent a few vaguely around you.

Lord,
When I ask,
I receive a burning in my heart for my family.
I receive a thought for what could be built here in New Hampshire.

I do not know,
Whether my father and mother will understand Your ways,
Whether I will understand Your ways there,
Whether the pieces will be there to build with.

But I would need to have faith that,
There are those who can be transformed.
Are we on fire here in NH?
Or are we just loud?

I have nothing but angst
So it feels












































































































































































































































































this is the direction we are walking


























































































































































and I'm not super thrilled about it
















































































































I'm less at peace with this move than with leaving Eve
Or Vera
Or Noelle
Or Illinois
Or the Midwest
Or DEKA
Or DAPR
This is the most impactful decision I have ever made upon my life.
One way or another.

Is there a right thing that you know to be the right thing?

Who can I talk to?
- Fr. Rory
- FPOs
- Fr. Tom
- Jordan
-