# Prayers
- [x] Mass
- [ ] Evening Rosary (w. mysteries)

# Did you eat well?
- Need to make dinner

# Tasks
- [ ] Set up tomorrow's schedule
- [ ] Enjoy the day
- [ ] Weekly breakdown

# The week ahead
- [ ] Benedict medal table
	- [ ] Design
	- [ ] Ebonizing soln
	- [ ] material acquisitions
	- [ ] fabrication

- [ ] Tell Marc - over the phone
- [ ] Tell Fr. Tom - in person
- [ ] Ask for prayers in Lectio
- [ ] Relay on trailer pricing and goings-ons
- [ ] Mom Q's
	- [ ] boot fix
	- [ ] LLC dissolution
	- [ ] 




23 24 25 26 27 28 29 - Makerspace saturday, Faith in art Fri/Sat 5:30-9 @ Ste Maries, Wednesday w. Jordan
30 31 01 02 03 04 05 - adoration+bbq+open mic Sunday
06 07 08 09 10 11 12 -
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 - Mahrajan
20 21 22 23 24 25 26 - Be out of here...

# Okay, thoughts. Let's just do the thoughts. What's on your mind, child?

Hi Lord.

- I am scared to come back still because of a potential to just get stagnated.
	- What does stagnated mean to you?
		- No new things being done
		- Spiritual death
		- No impact on the world
	- Let's take these in turn.
		- You won't just do nothing. Or at least, you don't have to just do nothing. Yes, you will have to push your parents to do things differently on the farm. But what of it? That can be rewarding.
		- You will need to find a decent director, I suppose. Probably one that really understands the Catholic Worker ethos (which you don't, actually) and one that understands rural life (which you might not fully).
		- If you close off there will be no impact to the world, sure. But be the poustinik. If God wants you to have impact, he will send people your way, and you will have impact.
- I am scared that I am not leveraging my gifts in doing this. Well. Ugh. Ugh. ugh. okay. Let me brain dump on this. There are tumultous thoughts in my head here. Maybe a lot of which are wrong. Just the wrong spirit. Let me get them out so you can correct them, Lord.
	- I'm really competent at mechanical design (maybe - am I really? Or do I just get shit done?)
- I am way way way way way way way too engrossed in screens. It's honestly terrifying. But I'm so stressed it's escapism.
	- Can you have a better escapism? Read a book, perhaps?
	- Can you re-gain your rule: to only use a piece of technology for a purpose, rather than toying with it for entertainment?
- Re-facing stephen frustrates / annoys me. Also I hate dealing with government crap. I don't know why. I think it's because it's not productive.
	- So what you would rather spend time in obviously nonproductive trivial tasks? lmfao buddy
- I'm scared to face Father Tom and Marc and tell them I'm leaving. Why, oh my heart?
	- Because you will be feeling like letting them down
	- Find some time to speak to Father early this week.
- It feels like things are just starting to take off here in nH. But I've said that so so so so many times. And yet here I am. I don't feel further along. I feel like nothing has been done. No ground covered. I feel LESS spiritually equipped than a year and a half ago.
- I suppose that's something really worth wrestling with: is the high-speed, low-dependence, non-subsidary community you're around, actually helping you grow in holiness?
	- Apparently not.
	- I don't like that.
	- Vapid.
	- Rapid.
	- What I really need is depth; @2relationships not events.
- I'm questioning what moving does for that. Other than obviously having a deeper relationship with my parents. Will that help me grow in holiness? How? A light needs fuel. Are they fuel?
	- Maybe more than I give them credit for. Maybe we just need to light each other's dynamite. Get off the screens that are enslaving us.
- But there are so many friends I leave behind. For what?
- For 2500 acres and family.
- Can I truly be re-connected to it?
- Does it have to be a farm THERE???
	- Well. It could be a farm on the edge of a town. There's some 56 acres next to mclean up for sale...
- I'm annoyed that moving is expensive. But what of it? So many things in life are. Lord, you have given me the funds to be able to make this move. $10k will do it. God I'm rich. I've burned 20k already, what's another 10?
- Re-read the letters I sent. I was right then. Maybe romantic. But I was right then. I'm cowardly now. I'm not right now. I'm cowardly. Those were the writings of a convicted man. Maybe not a convinced man. But a convicted one.

### Actions
- Write a vision of what family life could be.
- No, absolutely zero, non-purposeful screentime.
	- What's the repercussion?
-