text. text never changes.

ascii.

well. it did become unicode.

text changes.

I'm staring at this precipice. I think. Or I'm acting like it. But I need the options laid out in front of me.

Well. There are really just a few forks.

1. Stock Cropper or no?
2. Full-in on livestock?
3. Religious life?

#3 is all devouring. And that's fine & good.
#1 could become all devouring. Will it really? I'm not sure it will. But it may.

Perhaps it's best to lay out my anxieties. A lot of them are in the realm of "will I have time to attend to everything"
1. Will I have time to juggle the farm, the new house build, and any engineering development that may come?
2. Will I be earning reasonable pay?
3. Will I find a good woman? Does she exist?
4. Do I even want communion? Do I want a woman? Do I want brotherhood? I suspect I still do. But it's hard to find that. I am really looking for nuance, not idealogically captured.
5. Am I becoming ideologically captured? Am I becoming dull?
6. Will continuing to pursue engineering force me to forsake agriculture?
7. And if I forsake (the deep study of) agriculture, will I be learning what I ought to?
8. Is the building up of engineering artifacts a waste if I cannot make the appropriate cultural shifts around me to sustain it?
9. ***What can I do that will have the greatest positive cultural impact?***
10. I haven't left myself enough time to adequately discern religious life before I shove myself into this startup-shaped funnel.
11. 

Some observations
1. Engineering, however small, fixates me - I cannot wretch myself from it to ponder questions of agronomy, so it seems. I cannot do both well. The agronomy suffers. I find this shameful. I don't like this. Maybe it isn't immutable but it certainly seems like an overwhelming temptation.
2. I appreciate being near family. It is very grounding. I haven't spiraled very badly with them around. And it's not just a daily thing, I think even touch-and-go helps. In absence of a wife or religious community it is a big help.
3. I'm being avoidant of something.

# 21AUG2025
Sitting in adoration
Reading ecclesiastes
"There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil"
How shall I find enjoyment in my toil?
I find enjoyment in building and designing stuff
Truly I do
And in tending livestock
*but not in driving trucks and stuff, not really*

When I consider the present moment
all I can consider is doing this stuff
engineering, that is