Hello, my LORD.

What a nice hike. And a good but maybe overly long chat with Jon.

I'm passing the buck back up to you.
Which is an improper absconding of authority.
Authority that I have over my own life.
You have the authority to intervene.
But I have authority normally.
I shouldn't ask for a bailout.
I should desire to do what you want - but that means being free.
I think I understand.

Well. Let's get to that. But to get there let me get a few annoyances out of the way.
1. I feel like I've failed to "build the resources" so I can "build the life". But maybe that's not true.
	1. I've put a good amount of money in the bank
	2. I've met some good people (maybe not all the right people, but some good people)
	3. I've learned a bit of what I do and don't want to do going forwards
	4. Now, I have let certain things slip by me. There's been wasted time. But that's in the past. Only look forwards.
2. The vision I'm articulating - does it make sense in IL or NH? The answer, actually, is that it can make sense in either place, I think.
	1. In NH, I have:
		1. Decent people around me for faith formation
		2. Jordan, who is somewhat experienced in the running of a business, headship of a family, renovating of houses, and tending of a homestead. He's starting on all of this in the grand scheme of things, and not entrenched in his ways. He's open to building the community and culture around his family.
		3. A makerspace with some nice tools at my disposal - but not much space.
		4. A network of people in Lectio who aren't really going to die for me, but might be able to vouch if I asked them to
		5. Good liturgy
	2. In IL, I have:
		1. A family that can fight and dig in a little harder for personal formation
		2. A family that is experienced in the running of business, headship of family, renovating of houses, and tending of a farm. We're along the middle of all of this, and pretty well entrenched in our ways.
		3. A number of agricultural businesses and the like that are at least somewhat based in my roots, who I would be inclined to support more readily than businesses here in NH, frankly.
		4. Past acquaintances from a childhood life who can pull certain strings and levers, perhaps
		5. My dad and grandpa's shops at my disposal - but not much in the way of nice tools

3. Am I responsible for my family? Is being close to them not the fitting and right place to be?
4. *What's best not only for you but for the people you love? What can you provide?*
	1. I do love Jordan and the folks out here. I can provide some good art and cabinets and my skills and knowledge. Maybe even down the line I can provide some food. I suppose I can provide love. I can learn from them.
	2. My family, on the other hand... I can provide help. With IT, with maintenance and repairs, with a new house. I can provide some impetus for growth and development and betterment. I can provide some fresh ideas to folks in need of them. I can provide sonship. Love. I can learn discipline. I can practice negotiations within my family. Asking for what I want. I can practice being visionary.
5. Giving up isn't what I want. Although it's easy to fall into that narrative. That's what the Enemy wants me to think in terms of. But that's not what I want, truly. I should not desire it.