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Archive/Journal/2024.10.23 - 3 goals 1.md

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+In 90 seconds for each question:
+1. **What do you want to experience in life?**
+God's presence
+Harmony
+A deep sense of belonging
+Fellowship with people who see the truth of the world
+The most intimate of truths
+
+Real community, working together with people with shared vision and goals
+
+1. **How do you want to grow and develop yourself?**
+
+
+2. **How do you want to contribute to the world?**
+
+
+================
+
+These questions
+Seem
+Wrong
+I don't seem to want to answer them
+And the answers I have are... "Contentless". Abstract. Not concrete.
+(Cue text messages with Fr. Friedel)
+
+Resonance. That's probably the right way to approach it. What do you resonate with?
+- Ecological / holistic / top-level-design / architecture thinking
+- Getting to "the bottom" of things
+- Sitting with a problem, not rushing to solve it
+- Simplicity. Roughing it ifneedbe.
+- 
+
+What do you have consonance with?
+- Rote, exacting steps - even or especially if they're rhythmic
+
+These are perhaps the questions which are right:
+1. What does God want you to experience in this life?
+2. How does God want you to grow and develop?
+3. How does God want you to contribute to the world?
+... And of course, much more difficult to ascertain. But.
+
+1. What does God want you to experience in this life?
+Repentance. Metanoia. Change of heart. A taste of His ways. These are all necessary. (God is, of course, superabundant, and so He will have more...) Already:
+- Going back to confession
+- Quitting engineering
+
+Perhaps these questions are stages of life. And I am only in the first one yet still...
+
+God, I am here. Beckon your servant and send him forth. Or draw him nearer yet, that he may understand Your will. That I may perform great or small works, that I may direct myself, that I may grow into the being you would like to see, a part of yourself, a member of your glorious community, a member of your mystical body.
+I have identified myself as an "engineer" for a very long time. I pride myself on being a "jack of all trades". But when the pedal meets the metal. I cannot see myself as anything else. LORD GOD, Helpo me to see myself, to envision myself, to imagine myself, as you do - CAPAX UNIVERSI - may this permeate me. May this come over me in entirety. May I come through this and understand the purpose you have for me. 
+
+Perhaps the original framing is not so bad.
+
+1. What do I want to experience?
+The sunrise. Lambing. Growing trees. Developing land. Building a house. Working with friends. Working with people who "get it". Picking fruit. Eating food I raised.
+Maybe that is enough for tonight.