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Archive/2023-07-20.md

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+# Prayers
+- [x] Mass
+- [ ] Evening Rosary (w. mysteries)
+
+# Studies
+- [ ] 1 hr Catechism
+- [x] 1 hr Civil Eng
+- [x] 1 hr Agricultural Study
+- [x] 2hr Woodwork
+
+# Did you eat well?
+- 1200 cal
+
+# Tasks
+
+- [ ] Set up tomorrow's schedule
+- [ ] Enjoy the day
+
+# Thoughts
+A storm of doubts assails my mind
+Am I really supposed to go _there_?
+Is this not just the land of Sodom?
+Am I too allured by profit? Wealth?
+Family roots be one thing
+But the word of the lord another
+Am I actually doing his will?
+
+And yet
+Are not the people there my brothers and sisters?
+Whom I am to serve?
+With my witness?
+One which I feel suffocated
+Uneasy
+Untethered
+Ungrounded
+To do here
+And might just as well
+Be ungrounded elsewhere too
+Because on my heart is a love
+A love that is not rational
+But transcendental
+
+And yes, I suppose
+I can up and leave there too
+But I do need to regroup
+Re-understand myself
+And my family too
+Maybe it's doable
+Maybe not
+Only one way to know
+
+This is the biggest risk
+The best case scenario
+A dying diocese lit on fire for the Lord
+
+The worst case scenario
+Bickering and spiritual death